Divorce Mediation: How Grown-Ups Break Up

Divorce mediation, a calm, rational negotiation to iron out the terms of a marriage's end, is becoming an increasingly popular alternative to acrimonious traditional divorce litigation.

In divorce mediation, a mediator aids in negotiation between a husband and wife by assisting with communication, acting as a buffer when tempers flare and providing information and strategies to help resolve differences. The benefits of this process are lower costs, less angst and an agreement the parties want to adhere to, rather than one they're forced to adhere to.

It's a fact that a traditional in-court divorce complete with feuding attorneys and out-of-court drama can hit an already suffering husband and wife a knockout blow square in the pocketbook. Typical divorce costs can run anywhere from two to ten times higher than the cost of a divorce mediation.

Many lawyers charge a retainer fee of between $2, 500 and $5, 000 for typical divorce cases, and also bill the client for any services in addition to the time covered by the retainer. And if the case goes back to court because of subsequent litigation, that's even more money for the attorney. By using a divorce mediator, divorcing couples can substantially reduce this cost and avoid subsequent litigation by forging an agreement both parties can live with.

Mediation sessions can include the party's attorneys or a neutral attorney or an attorney-mediator who can inform both parties of their legal rights, but does not provide advice to either, or can be conducted without attorneys. Divorce mediators may be attorneys who have experience in divorce cases.

Divorce mediations usually play out like this:

The first meeting: The couple and the mediator will identify what needs to be discussed and decide when to discuss it. They'll also decide what information, such as tax and property records, needs to be gathered and shared.

After the first meeting, the divorce mediator leads the couple through issues in dispute and helps resolve them, suggesting compromises and strategies to avoid conflict. The mediator may also give advice how disagreements would play out in the court system if negotiations break down and an agreement cannot be reached.

Once the couple has reached an agreement on all issues in the divorce mediation, the mediator writes up an agreement for review by the parties and, if they have them, their attorneys.

Because of the collaborative and communicative nature of divorce mediations compare couples who have mediated their divorce with couples who go through an adversarial divorce, mediating couples are more likely to be satisfied with the process and the results, likely to take less time and spend less money, and are less likely to go back to court later to fight about something.

Divorce mediation keeps you and your spouse in control. That can help in recovering from the break and moving on and enjoying your life.